20 March

it permissible to listen to negative speech was relevance. If the

information is important, in a constructive sense, for the listener

to hear, it is proper for him to give his attention to what is

being spoken, and at times to even solicit such information. There

are times when halachah permits listening to negative information

which is of no relevance to the listener or any of his

acquaintances. Where the speaker feels the need to express his

anger or frustration for relief of emotional pain, one is doing an

act of chesed (kindness) by hearing the person out and expressing

understanding of his feelings. If the listener feels that the

speaker can be made to understand how he misjudged the person

responsible for his frustration, he is obligated to do so.

(Often, however, a person expressing his frustrations is in need of

empathy and is not open to logic. At a later point, after the

speaker has calmed down, the listener could approach him and

attempt to explain how he may have misunderstood the situation.)

Care must be taken to keep the speaker from wandering from the

matter at hand, and speaking irrelevantly about other faults of the

one whom he feels has wronged him. Furthermore, one listening in

such a situation must take care not to accept what he hears as

fact.

The following segment is a translation from the Chofetz Chaim's writings on the philosophy of proper speech from the Sefer Shmiras Halashon.

A Father's Pain

companions announces to a crowd what the boy has done. Present at this

announcement is the boy's father who, understandably, is quite upset. He tells

the one who publicized his son's iniquity: "Had you rebuked my son in private,

with no one else present, I would have been deeply grateful to you. Why did you

have to make known his deed to the public? What you have accomplished is to make

him an object of ridicule and disgrace. It seems to me that your intentions were

not honorable. You were not out to correct my son's behavior; rather, you sought

to damage his reputation and rejoice over his disgrace.'

Such is the way of Hashem concerning the Jewish people, of whom it is

written, "You are children to HASHEM, Your G-d" (Devarim 14:1). Hashem, as

it were, rejoices at our joy, and is pained at our suffering. When a Jew

rebukes his fellow in public, in the presence of our Father in Heaven, Whose

glory fills the earth, can He take any pleasure from this? One should be

forever cognizant of Rambam's statement that one is required to be as concerned

for another Jew's possessions and honor as he is for his own (Hilchos Aveil 14:1).